tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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