Kiss
Puke
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
