I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The struggles of a small town man whore
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
