i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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