my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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