My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
