Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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