Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
