she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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