wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
