dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
