you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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