You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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