I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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