My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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