Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize