Can i not drive my cunt home
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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