My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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