I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
