i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
please come you make the beer taste better
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
