Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
