I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
