Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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