Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
