I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
