Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize