the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
