sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
