My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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