The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
