I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Panties = found
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