Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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