Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
