Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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