u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So squirting runs in the family.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
