Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize