would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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