I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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