rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
