I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
