Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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