Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
