My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
