I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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