well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
