Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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