did you get engaged???
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
