According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
