would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
