A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The adults are the big ones right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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