You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
