Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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