So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can't motorboat a personality
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My bed smells like the plague
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
