hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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