i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
