I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
