I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
