i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize