I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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