When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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