If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
