I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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