My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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