oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
