her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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