We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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